how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
