did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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