I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
