a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
