So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
