my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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