she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
