sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
