im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
