Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
