Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
