this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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