There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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