I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
