i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
