i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
