She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
