if i can run in heels then i can drive
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
