I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
