sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
