Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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