turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
