Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
