NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
