Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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