When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
