Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
