HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
