dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
