I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
