put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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