I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
