Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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