no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
