I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
