I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
