I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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