I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
