I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
