dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's the barista slut.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
