I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
