The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't turn off my feet"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
