i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
