There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I CAN MOONWALK!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
