I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
