that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
