well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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