Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
