i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
