I wish life had little blips of pornography
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
