The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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