Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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