official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
